In my late teens and early 20s I was very wild. The first time I ever smoked weed was when I was 18 (my best friend at the time and I got caught!) and I tried ecstasy shortly after that.

The next few years into my early 20s was filled with countless parties; raves (my first rave was Bloodfest), desert parties, house parties and more. I experimented with acid, shrooms, baby woodrose seeds, salvia, pain meds, ketamine, bath salts and cocaine but the thing I did the most was ecstasy (MDMA which is basically meth, since it is two parts meth = Methylenedioxymethamphetamine)  If I were to put a number to the amount of pills I have taken all together it would likely be the in the thousands, and that is not an exaggeration.

This is what I looked like during this time. In this photo I am 21 and probably like 130 lbs (really underweight):

During this time I drank, smoked and experimented with a lot of different things. After a short while it became part of our routine, which I would say was the most dangerous part of it all. Not only was there a physical dependency on the ecstasy for me, but it was just something that we did when we were bored, which was often. Plus ecstasy makes you feel amazing. It’s the most amazing and powerful feeling of unconditional love that anyone could experience (assuming they got good pills).

There were times at raves where people were just sitting around with each other just being in the most loving state. They were having such a wonderful time and there was no hatred or anger or judgement of anyone. We were all one loving family. Except we were on drugs, so it wasn’t totally real. But it opened my mind to a new way of being and so many other things, especially the acid and shrooms. These experiences helped me become who I am today.

I’ve actually experienced this ecstasy high naturally while deeply meditating just in the last few years. It is an amazing feeling.

There was a couple of times when I believe I was close to death. Some friends and I had taken some ecstasy and after staying up all night we went to the store to get some drinks (you don’t have an appetite when you do ecstasy, so you save money on food). I took a drink of some orange juice and started to feel pretty bad (vitamin C boosts the high usually).

I had stopped us into a neighborhood so I could sit on the sidewalk because I think I was feeling like I was going to pass out or something like that. This was a long time ago and when you do a lot pills like this, it seriously messes with the short-term memory, so I don’t remember all of the details of what happened. But I had to sit in the back seat and I thought I was going to die.

Then there was another time when a deal had gone bad and the guys there pulled a gun on us. He had his gun pointed at me and the other guy kept saying ‘waste him, waste him!’. It was as bad as it sounded. An interesting synchronicity happened at that time that I won’t ever forget. Just as we were pulling in to do this deal I heard a police siren very clearly, but there was no cop car around with their lights on or anything.

In hindsight I believe it was a warning from ‘them’ that we shouldn’t have gone through with that situation.

My first time on shrooms was okay and then it went bad. One time on acid everything went really bad. And once you take acid, that’s a minimum 12-hour trip right there. If something bad happens and you can’t pull yourself out of it, you’re stuck like that until you come down.

But after a while my mind was turning to mush. I couldn’t remember things very well and I now have these permanent twitches as a result from all of the pills I consumed during this time. It is a consequence that I have to live with that I brought onto myself. But all in all, I don’t regret it. I never stole to pay for the drugs and I never sold my body. I paid for them myself or a friend bought them for me.

And looking back I believe ‘they’ helped me to kick this habit. Ecstasy addiction is very strong and very hard to overcome. But I just kept telling myself I didn’t want to deal with these physical problems anymore and I was done. And after a while the ‘urge’ went away and I stopped doing everything. I would go on to drink here and there socially but nothing else.

I do advocate for the use of weed medically and recreationally for people at the right age. I don’t see anything wrong with it at all. While working at the hospital before this last one I used to smoke before going to bed to help me sleep (I worked nights) and it helped a lot.

My mom doesn’t know that I have done all of these things (although I’m sure she knows something, moms just know things) and if she ends up reading this someday I hope she can forgive me for not telling her and doing them in the first place. I am glad that I experienced everything at this time before I really started working as adult because I couldn’t see myself doing anything like that now.

I believe there is a time and place for experimentation. I also believe that what is happening to each of us now is whatever you planned before you came into this incarnation. So if it is your plan to experiment, then it will happen. If not, then it won’t. If anyone does choose to experiment, I hope they would use their best judgement and try to be around good people like themselves. That literally makes or breaks a good time.

I would also add that in addition to the wisdom gained from living through and overcoming drug addiction, many other good things came from this experience. Like several of the songs I used for videos!

So that’s my experience with drug addiction. It was a really intense but short time where things got really crazy but ultimately ended up working out. Thanks for checking this out and I wish each of you much love as always <3