Today has been a very interesting day. I am being guided to share the most intimate details of this Ascension process; the good, the bad, and the crappy. Some of you have expressed that you have been experiencing some of the worst and most difficult times of your life these past weeks and months. I’d like to share mine now. I don’t usually bare my soul like this but I being guided to nonetheless…
I wasn’t going to tell anyone this but one of the lowest points in my life was a couple of weeks ago when I seriously considered exiting the physical plane. I am not a suicidal person by any means. I know what my mission is here and I have been doing my best to carry it out. I want to finish it out and see The Event. I know that I am an infinite multi-dimensional being of Unconditional Love. But this day a couple weeks ago I felt hopelessness like I’ve never felt before. Infinite sadness and a feeling of never being free. I had made up my mind. I was going to leave this plane and be done with this reality forever.
I knew how I was going to do it too. Working in a hospital I know the quickest and least painful way to go, but of course I won’t be sharing that as I don’t want to give anyone any ideas.
I don’t even remember how I started feeling that way. There wasn’t a big event that started it. Which makes me think that it was either a powerful attack, or I was releasing something from this or a past life. I felt awful for about 2-3 days before I was back to my normal self again.
Back when I was writing the analysis of Babylon 5 I recall a severe mental and emotional breakdown after watching a scene where one of the Alliance members was fatally injured during a mission. I began crying and then that crying turned into feeling like I had been freshly traumatized. My body was shaking and my eyes were wide open and I felt fear and horror like I’ve never felt.
It feels like I was remembering and reliving an extreme trauma but I had no memory of it, nor was there any context. People who experience trauma become hyper-vigilant and show signs that I have listed above. I’ve had patients who we had to approach from the foot of the bed because of a potential violent reaction from waking them from the bed side. This was a man who was a soldier and obviously had a lot of PTSD.
It was like I had seen or witnessed something that would send someone into absolute mental shock and disarray. I was very scared and didn’t know what was happening to me. It felt like a memory, but I didn’t recall anything. The Babylon 5 episode triggered it. I considered the possibility of it being a memory from another life or from being taken into some type of secret program and having my memory wiped afterwards. I don’t know for certain though.
I cried for what seemed like forever before I finally calmed down and gathered myself and continued to watch the show. I already had several pages of notes at that point, I couldn’t just stop.
Then just this last week our family dog of 10 years had to be put down as a result of her fighting with another dog. She wasn’t getting along with the female dog at my mom’s house and she had to be moved away from that. But the same problem continued at my brother’s house with another female dog and when they came home one day there was blood everywhere and she was very close to dying. She had to be put down. I was at work when I got the text and I had just started my 12 hour shift. I couldn’t just leave so the day was very long and very difficult. The next day was worse because I had to train someone. I couldn’t cry or grieve..
I do not wish to exit the physical plane, I just want to make that statement now while I am feeling fine and at my baseline. I want to complete my mission, I want to see all of you in spaceships and eating food created from a replicator! Cobra mentioned that the attacks on light-workers would be very bad and that the Cabal was doing what they could to remove us from the physical plane. If this was the case for me they sure did put a lot of weight into it and it almost worked.
Now I am stronger than I have ever been before and even more motivated to continue to and push through until the breakthrough.
I’d like to shift the tone of this article now to something more positive and throw in some amazing synchronicities that I experienced today. Right when I started writing this article I saw the time was 12:34:
This also happened to be article identification number 12555:
In addition to that I had gone to eat out today, which I don’t usually do, but lately I have been relaxing some of my dietary restrictions and the effect has been positive so far. I was order number 144:
I’d also like to report the following symptoms that have been making their way into the fore lately:
- Aching kidneys (only last for 15 minutes but was moderately painful)
- Ringing in the ears (low, medium and high tones in both ears)
- Seeing more ‘lights/flickers/sparks’ or bleed through of other dimensions/densities
- Pressure on pineal gland and in middle of eyebrows
- Not needing as much food
I would also like to report that I am feeling a great urge to heal and forgive everything and everyone in my life. This last week and a half I have been guided to really go within and look at my trauma, unresolved issues and unprocessed emotions. I have been facing and dealing with a lot of situations that I ran away from my whole life, especially relating to homophobia..
I don’t have that much else to add other than what is included above. Maybe this information will help someone, maybe it won’t, maybe it will just be for me to help process everything that has happened these last weeks and months by just writing about it. Either way, it’s been one of hell of a mission here on this planet and I think we can all agree that we need to keep pushing and keeping going no matter what is thrown at us. Be strong and brave everyone. You are the Universe’s best soldiers. Love and Light are your bow and arrow!
Thank you for giving this your time..I appreciate it a lot, I am sending much love and light to each one of you…